WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE…?

My daughter was given home work from school asking her to interview 20 of her friends. I found out about it at 9pm the day before submission. Panicked, I sent messages to her friend’s parents who graciously responded. The question was “what is your favorite subject and your future ambition?”

Believe me when I say there were a myriad of responses. It was enlightening to read the children’s responses. Ayokunmi’s favorite subject is English and she wants to be a fashion designer. Aamir likes science he wants to design cars. Tobi likes literacy and wants to be a footballer. Watita likes numeracy and wants to be a princess Her mum scoffs at the idea. I told her mum it was a legitimate ambition, after all Kate Middleton has become a princess and one day will become the Queen of England.

I loved reading the children’s ambitions. When I was a child, you were either a lawyer, doctor, engineer, accountant or a similar profession. My friend Simi says she remembers telling her mum she wanted to be a confidential secretary, her mum asked her if she was having a laugh? Why couldn’t she be a doctor or lawyer instead?

 

Things have since changed; more parents are open to supporting their children’s ambition. Whatever that may be. I came across a lady who makes intricate custom paper envelopes, place mats, cake boxes and other paper ware. I did not know it was possible to make money cutting paper with scissors. I had cause to order some work from her and paid for it. So now I know.

As a parent I encourage my kids to develop all their talents. My little girl likes football, I would not say no to a football scholarship to college for her.

It might also be beneficial to take your child to work with you one day, to see what you do, they may want to take on your profession.

 

I do commend all parents who take the time to shuttle their kids from one activity to the other, especially the Manners Matter Etiquette class coming up on the 14^th of March 2015. Well done Parents!


Yeye Bush
...be Your Best Always!

THE ETIQUETTE OF ILLNESS

I recently had the misfortune of falling ill. No big deal people

 fall ill all the time. My peculiarity is I do not like going to the

doctor's….in addition, unlike others I am no good at self

diagnosis. My friends and family were quiet concerned. My

illness made me very tired. I slept a lot and when I wasn’t

sleeping I would be listless. I had the occasional bursts of

energy followed by bone crushing tiredness…

  

Naturally questions followed, chief of which was “what is

wrong with you?” In truth I had no clue. So I could not give

an answer. On the other hand,  what if I did know what was

 wrong, would I be willing to tell? People ask out of genuine

concern and not idle curiosity (I hope) but like the amount of

 income you earn, it’s not information you are always willing

to share.

 

Sometimes the ailment may be one we are still trying to

come to terms with. We may not even wish to worry our

loved ones and are bidding our time for the right moment to

share. With friends, we may not want them to know, so they

 do not treat us differently. Neither  do we want to be the

topic of conversation at the next social gathering. 

 

 

Some of us suffer from conditions and handicaps that we can

 do very little about. It’s not the little girl's fault if her dad

decided to mark her face for cultural and identification

purposes. Vitiligo did not only affect the late Michael Jackson,

 there are lots of other sufferers.

 

When we are aware of a loved one’s illness…what can we

do? Remember not to take offence if they do not share the

reason for their ailment with you. Telling them they don’t

look sick will not earn you brownie points.

Assure them of your support to run errands i.e drop off and

pick up kids from school, groceries, etc, visit at convenient

times, bring flowers/food. At Manners Matter our module on

 Tact and Kindness has proven very beneficial in situations

such as this.

Remember not to give unsolicited advice and for goodness

sake stop trying to engage them in long conversations, your

 presence may be all the comfort they need.

 

Yeye Bush

…be Your Best Always!
+2348025656122

The Perfect Guest

We all enjoy visiting friends, they make us feel special by catering to our needs. Giving us the best of what they have to offer. Our hosts make provision for our visit because we are expected…most of the time.

Back in the years before mobile phones, an unannounced visit was very much the norm. Our African society permits it. However, with the chaotic traffic situation, it is wise to call ahead….imagine battling hours of traffic only to get to your destination and find no one home.

Just as our host has a duty to us, we too as guests have a duty to our host. What kind of guests are we though? Do we hog the television remote control, switch to football and watch match after match ignoring our host's and other guest’s preferences? Or are we meant to stay for an hour and are there 5 hours later because we want to watch part 7 of that Nollywood “Epic” on African Magic?

I remember many years ago, we had this unannounced visitor who would ring my bell as early as 7am. He would park himself in front of my television and not leave till night time. I didn’t get a chance to watch any of my shows. I couldn’t protest because of the nature of my husband’s job at the time. I grinned and bore it. The occasional nonchalant “Madam I hope you don’t mind” he would throw my way made me even angrier. Talk about guests from hell…

  

Depending on our relationship with the host

and the purpose of the visit, as guests we

should visit our hosts with a small gift, pay

 them compliments, be mindful of the time

(especially if they have children who need to

be bathed and put to bed), be helpful to our

 host in serving or clearing away. You also

have a duty to be entertaining; ignoring

everyone is a big No.

Remember to thank your host for opening

their home up to you and taking good care of

you. A ‘Thank You’ note sent after your visit

is the perfect touch. At Manners Matter, our

clients are taught how to be the perfect guest

and how write the perfect ‘Thank You’ note,

making them sought after guests!

Yeye Bush

…be  Your Best always!

+2348025656122

DO AS I SAY?

I was asked an interesting question recently, after I posted a picture on manners a child should have by age 9. A mum asked what a child should know by age 5 because she wanted to be sure she was doing the right thing....I wish to put all our minds at rest...we are all doing the best we can! We tell our kids the right things to do and try as much as possible to show them the right way to live....

Our kids watch us like hawks and unfortunately our do sometimes does not match our say. I tell my little one to always be polite, speak softly and be patient....yet at 3years old she has developed road rage! She isn't even old enough to drive!!! That tells you all something doesn't it? What it tells me is, i need to be very mindful when I am driving in Lagos traffic or get a driver so I can be peaceful and serene in the back seat.

I heard the cutest story about Mowa, who is 3years old. Although she cannot read, every night she picks up a prayer book and pretends to read it because she sees her older sister and mum do the same. Believe me when I say, if mum was into Telemundo, Mowa too will be into Telemundo!

We won't always get it right or even  get it right all the time. Try is all we can do. It is an every day process, to be mindful of our actions and the impact they have on our children. It's important we also educate ourselves on the correct etiquette so we can help our children be their  best always.

At Manners Matter we tell parents we are only coming to re-enforce the good job you as a parent are already doing. It is helpful that parents also take etiquette classes so that reinforcement is correct and continuous. We do offer parent and child classes on request.


Yeye Bush.
...be Your Best Always!
+2348025656122

THE IMPORTANCE OF 'MAY I?'

This past Xmas holiday, I had the honor of serving on my Estate's annual Christmas party committee....it ended up being a 2 member committee only mr Lawrence and I. To get donations for the party, was the proverbial camel going through the eye of the needle.

We were able to scramble enough donations both in kind and in cash and put together a nice party (even if I do say so myself). The kids had fun. The non-contributing adults, were the overwhelming majority. We didn't mind because we had more than enough food to go round, we had hors d'oeuvre (small chops) asun (no translation will suffice) and barbeque.

What irked me the most was the way the adults would ask for things. I went up to one gentleman ad asked him what he would like. He answered "I need asun"......here was me with my face frozen in disbelief. A grown man who could not ask for things in a polite manner. I took a deep breath and dutifully went off to fetch the "needed" asun. When my little one says "mummy I need..." I tell her "baby, the only thing you need is God." I did not even get a 'Thank you' from him.

 

At my day job, I come across the "I need..." statement a lot. Only yesterday, Mr Koku says to me "Mrs Alebiosu do you have letter headed paper?" I answer "yes I do" he replies "I need". I'm thinking to myself "hmmmmn okay and....?" out loud I say "Mr Koku you haven't asked me for it. What you should say is 'May I please have one?'..." He took the correction in good faith. I did feel bad about schooling him. I hope I didn't sound pompous and arrogant. I like him that's why I bothered.

"May I", is one of the Magic words kids learn at Manners Matter. In my Etiquette classes, I hear the catchy tune the kids sing reciting the Magic Words learnt at school....it's up to me to teach them the appropriate places to use these words. It's important to do so, so its not just a catchy song but real life application.

"May I please sign off?"

Yeye Bush
...be Your Best Always!

YOUR HOME AND YOUR KIDS.

Picture the newly wed couple in their lovely home. A home that is well decorated. The Lady of the Manor loves her knick knacks. She has on display every souvenir and ornament she has ever collected on her trips around the world. Including all the mementos of affection from her new husband. Her precious Lalique sculpture she saved 5years for, takes pride of place in her collection.

Time passes, she conceives and 9 months down the road baby is born, baby starts to crawl, baby starts to hold on to things to walk....guess what is first to be put away from view....the knick knacks! And then the couple start to childproof their home. Lets face it our homes change once there is a new addition to the family. I remember an older cousin scolding me for not packing up all my lovely figurines once baby came.

However, I believe it is possible to teach your kids to respect the décor and the furnishings in the home. Let them know that the only play things they have are their toys. When you tidy up, clean or do chores encourage the kids to do them along with you...praise them lavishly and they will always want to help.

At Manners Matter we teach kids to respect their surroundings especially the décor and furnishings. Not to touch things without first asking for an adult's permission. Reminding them that feet belong on the floor not on the furniture. To tidy up after themselves and take pride in their surroundings.

Having a child does not have to mean automatically packing away all your lovely ornaments. Especially if looking at them brings you so much joy.You can have them on display in the home with your kids in it.


Yeye Bush
...be Your Best Always!
+2348025656122

ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN

As a mother, aunt and sibling I want the best for all children. The African proverb:

"it takes a village to raise a child" 

is even more relevant in today's world of megacities. Parents are busier than ever. Most working longer hours. Its a constant struggle to juggle work and home life. Statistics show that in the next 20 years, the close extended family units will be a thing of the past.

A lot of us are worried about the future of our children. In 99% of households the television is what socializes our children. Believe me when I tell you the messages being passed along are not wholesome. A few  examples...the story of the ordinary little girl who becomes a princess in a castle where she wears an amulet and casts spells, think about it, that's witchcraft, the popular mouse and cat, who they constantly torment each other. The young boy who has 10 spirits living in him, he can take on their persona when he turns the dial on his watch, that is what psychiatrics refer to as split personality disorder! Are  those who you want as your child's role models???
 

I don't know about you but I am NOT a super parent. I would rather watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta, where I drool over Nene's Loubitans or watch Kenya "twirl". I confess I finished watching Kandi's wedding special only last night. When my child is telling me about their day at school, my eyes glaze over....I need help as much as the next mum who is willing to admit it.

Then I thought to myself what if I  could create the Stepson's wives version of a child? One who would be kind and considerate not loud and demanding. One who listens to instructions the first time round, one who is helpful around the house...if only pigs could fly! However I know its possible to have a happy medium.
I did my research and enrolled in the prestigious International Etiquette and Protocol Academy of London. Past clients have included First Ladies of nations, Saudia Arabian Princes and Princesses and members of the British Royal family.

I qualified as an International Youth Etiquette Consultant. I acquired the skills to help you achieve your dreams for your children and reinforce the already excellent job you are doing. I lay emphasis on our unique Cultural identity to give it its rightful place in today's world.

I am qualified to offer a variety of programs to suit all children ages 4-17. Programs that help build the right character in your children. You will agree that excelling in academics is no longer sufficient, when last were you asked what the boiling point of water is? but  everyday you meet with people, have conversations with them and may need to sell your ideas or goods.
 
...No one wants the academically brilliant but socially inept child still living at home aged 40! Start Socializing your child the right way...sign up for Etiquette Classes. 

YeyeBush
...be Your Best Always!
+2348025656122.